Page 2: Behind the Smile: The Reality of Chronic Pain
By: Brandon Matthew Deen, Sr.
What I need more than people’s suggestions is not only understanding but honesty. Chronic pain doesn't follow rules. It doesn't care if it's your birthday or my work deadline. Some days I cancel plans not because I'm flaking, but because my body won't cooperate. Some days I need help doing things I could handle yesterday. Some days I'm quiet, not out of disinterest, but because I'm doing everything I can not to fall apart. That's the reality. And what I need is patience, not assumptions.
Pain affects how I move through the world, but also how the world moves around me. There's a constant pressure to be okay, to get back to normal, to smile through it. But my "normal" isn't painless. It's not effortless. It's a version of life adjusted for discomfort, one with fewer steps, more breaks, and constant mental math around what I can do without pushing too far.
Now that is where chronic pain gets isolating. God didn’t create people who can't predict their limits. You learn quickly who believes you and who thinks you're exaggerating. You lose connections not because you want to, but because people stop checking in when your answers don't come with upbeat endings. Sometimes I've closed off to protect myself from more disappointment. That's another kind of pain people don't see.
And yet, through all that, I keep going. I adapt. I slow down when I need to. I find moments of joy even when my body aches. I've learned that strength isn't loud. It isn't about pushing through every time. Sometimes it's about knowing when to stop, when to say no, when to give your body grace and rest. That's not a weakness. That's wisdom.
Chronic pain doesn't define me, but it does shape my days. It's part of how I live, how I plan, how I show up. I carry it even when I smile. I manage it even when I speak clearly. I adjust around it constantly, and I've accepted that this is my life now. It's not all of me, but it's real. And it deserves to be seen.
